Happy Holidays and Seasons Greetings! It’s been quite a year and I thought it was a good time to do a personal post on my little blog.
A) Thank you for reading.
B) Thank you for your encouragement this year.
C) Thank you for believing in me.
Moving across the country was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. Also one of the most thrilling. Just five years ago, I would have never in my wildest dreams thought that I would marry a guy that I had known forever at work…get married 6 months later…and then move as far as possible away from my family within the US. It’s been a wild ride. I want to be honest with you, because I personally appreciate honesty from people that I do (or don’t!) personally know. The first month was AWESOME – I was thrilled to move here. The second, third and fourth month were…HARD. I honestly fell into some depression, which I had never experienced before like this. I wasn’t use to the weather (aka: winter and the sun setting at 4:30pm), and I had NO friends or family to lean on for support. I was working from home each day and I was talking to my dogs way more than one person should. One day I just broke down. I remember it as clear as day…Cameron got home from work and saw me and was like..that’s it, get in the car. We ran some errands simply to get me out of the house and around humans. I was too scared to leave the house when he was gone because I was terrified of the highways and getting lost (because guys…I kept getting lost.). So I balled. Coiled myself into a little corner in the car and texted my mom and best friend that I just wanted to move home – I was done.
Then a couple months later something happened inside of me. I started getting photography work. I joined a church. I made some friends. Connecticut started becoming “normal” to me. I knew the difference from the 95 and the Merritt Parkway. I knew which way Westport was in comparison to New Haven. I found favorite coffee shops, restaurants and towns. I stopped having to use my GPS in the small town I live in (literally happened one month ago guys..this is a new feat). I traveled around the East Coast and saw new states. I realized how darn close I was to Europe in comparison to how far it was from California.
But mainly? I found that I kinda was falling in love with New England. I love the history. I love the old cemeteries and homes. I love the oceans filled with sail boats and long tall sea grass. I love the small towns with old church steeples and town greens. I adore how fast it is to get to New York, Boston, Rhode Island or even Vermont. My husband and I started finding a rhythm with each other (newly married ya’ll!). My husband started finding success in his career. I was starting to find success in my career. I started believing in myself more. Liking the insides and makeup of who I am. Stepping away from my familiar forced me to get to know myself again. Isn’t that the craziest thing for those that have done this?! I had to become my own best friend. Rediscover things I enjoy like quiet time with a good book, driving in the country, or sitting at coffee shops and people watching. I was forced to be alone and find comfort in my beautiful God who has never left my side.
So here I am…a year and a half later. Sure, I still miss California beaches, my wonderful people back home and the sunshine all year. But, I can report back to you, that I am indeed doing okay. I have found a weird sorta rhythm that works for me. I no longer only have interaction with my dogs. My husband and I are very much in love. I no longer take for granted precious time that I get with my family…and I’m stronger than I thought.
Wherever you are at in life reading this…I hope you find some joy in TODAY. In this very moment of life that you have been given. Each day is a blessing. We really don’t need much to be happy – I have found that with simplicity there is room to breathe and joy to be found. You’re on a journey and your adventure is happening NOW. You are the director of what path you take and I can guarantee, you are stronger than you realize.
I wish you joy and warmth this holiday season. I know that this time represents a lot of pain for so many. It reminds us of loss and heartache. But it also reminds us of community, love, and giving. I had a solid five years of running away each holiday as far as I could from home because I just couldn’t deal with the emotions and pain that I had going on inside of me…my parents didn’t love it, but I did what I had to do to heal. Seasons of this may come for you too…but the greatest thing about seasons, is they change.
Love to you.
Some fun photos of me in my home with my fur babies and my wonderful husband, Cameron.
Because this was what it really looked like…